Anticipation permeated the Church sanctuary. Over 1500 people sat in silent wonder as the service came to a close. The man at the pulpit began shouting when his message reached a dramatic crescendo. He was calling for an awakening.
Although almost no one had met this man before, his reputation was known by all. He was a self appointed messenger and carrier of God's anointing. He traveled the globe bringing revival to dead churches and backslidden Christians everywhere. He frequented Christian television and had a legitimate worldwide ministry. Tens of thousands flocked to hear his dramatic messages and personal testimonies of God's manifesting power.
He at first began to pray that God would reveal himself in power to all who were in the building. He then called for everyone who wanted prayer and the laying on of hands to form a long line throughout the sanctuary. Not to my surprise, just about everyone went up and formed a lone line. I, also, jumped at the opportunity. Five minutes passed and I found myself around number 800 down the line waiting for the speaker to come and lay hands on me and pray for God's power in my life.
The instructions were simple: Worship and pray while you wait. The band was playing worship music on stage and invited for everyone to join in. Well, curiosity got the best of me and I started watching everyone in line. I felt a little guilty for not praying but it was not every day that God came in power to your church. I wanted to see this great site for myself. The first thing I noticed was that everyone was falling back while being prayed for. Someone on the prayer team would catch the recipient and gently lower them to the floor. Another member would lay a blanket on top, mostly for modesty. The speaker knew how long the line up was so he spent only about 15 seconds on each person and moved quickly in my direction.
One by one the people fell over. They were being "slain in the spirit", I term I knew well. It had never yet happened to me but apparently God comes upon a person with such power that they are not able to stand. My heart began to beat rapidly at the thought of this opportunity. Everyone was falling over. God was not leaving anyone out.
The speaker was fast approaching, so I decided to actually pray and prepare myself for God's anointing. It was then that I first noticed this strange rising ambient noise. It scared me at first because I thought someone was hurt or in tremendous physical pain. I opened my eyes and glanced to my left to where the noise was coming from. About two dozen people in the front of the line were rolling on the floor, screaming. It wasn't merely a loud yell, It was a cry of anguish and sorrow, of panic and pain. "What is God doing to these people?" I thought. Would I experience this as well? The speaker assured the crowds that God was just burning out the sin in these peoples' lives much like how Isaiah the prophet was cleansed. Reasonable explanation I thought. I couldn't really think of God burning me like that but it was possible considering scripture.
The speaker was almost in front of me. He spent his time with the people on my left and they quickly fell over. My heart was in my throat. He grabbed my head with both of his hands and stood still for a moment, then with a jolt he blew on my face. I staggered back at the shock. Thinking God was doing his work he moved to the next person. I regained my composure and remained standing. The pattern had been broken. He quickly stopped praying for the person on my right and grabbed my head again. There was no pause this time. He threw me back so hard that I lost my balance. Thankfully the man caught me and laid me softly down. The other attendant layed a blanket over me. I stopped and stared at the blinding lights far above on the ceiling. The thought registered in my brain... I had just been pushed.
After a few moments of laying on the floor, I realized that God did not overcome me. At least I thought. Maybe God comes upon someone while being thrown to the floor by the preacher. No, I was definitely pushed and God was not overcoming me like the others. The shock of being pushed was soon replaced by my own thoughts of inadequacies. Here in this church building there are hundreds of people being changed by God and I was alone. In my mind, God had overlooked me. I have to confess that my mind was filled with questions. Why? Why didn't I feel anything? Was I really saved? I was such an idiot! maybe all this time my relationship with God somehow just wasn't real enough. Everyone around me had some kind of experience. Why didn't I?
The service went on for some time after that. I had long been up from the floor and was gathering my stuff to leave. A few friends passed by talking wildly about there encounters with God, a few cries were still heard in the distance and the band began packing up their equipment. Most people had already left, leaving only the ministry team had a few dedicated parishioners. It was getting late and I had to walk home. The glorious evening had turned into a complete catastrophe. More doubts plagued my heart then ever before.
